I love you.

Tuesday, April 14, 2020


Hi!
Where do I start from and how do I?
The number of words my heart wants me to tell you
all at once
everything.

Your eyes, your smile, your presence, you
how cheesy would it sound if I’d try praising them all
but that’s when I panic
I can’t
I literally can’t
words and expressions betray me
when I need them the most
if only I could tell you how perfect you are
if only I could tell you the way you make me feel
if only I could drown in you in tacky flattery
because that’s what becomes of me 
when I am with you
weak in my knees
weak at my words
and that’s not it
strong at my heart
strong by my will
strong over every miseries
strong in love
I become the better version of me when I’m with you.

Let’s time machine to few years back
the time we never knew we existed
and like every other girls
I too had a notion of love.
The girls named their dream men in many
the knight in shining armor
the king of their dreams
the prince of their hearts
the missing piece of their puzzle
the batman to their Gotham.
I was the only one who was blank
I didn’t know what to name the silhouette of you
so I named you “Love”
the idea of the one and only
so I named you “Love”
you did exist somewhere and you must’ve been smiling that moment
so I named you “Love”
the urge to be carried and spun around with a kiss, who’d it be
I named you “Love”.

So hay, my dear “Love”
I was a stupid girl who wanted to fly
and I had a cape of my own
but never did it work
and never did let me fly.
Now that you’re here right in front of me
and I’ve been flying in your arms
like a desperate bird wanting to embrace the sharp winds and the blue skies
you are my blue sky
you are my sharp wind
you are my superman
you are what I call you
my “Love”

I love you.

- J

Her Golden Gown

Monday, April 13, 2020

Underneath the veil was a beautiful face,
pretty and bright,
but it wasn’t mine.
I remember your eyes, chocolate brown,
showed how blessed I was
for one more time I looked into them
and yours were looking at hers.
Her smile etched just like mine
when we used to dance
when we used to hug
now she swirls in her golden gown
living the dreams I dreamt.
I had loved you
I had known you
I know you
I know you’re scared, you’re anxious
you're hopeful
it’s okay now, she collected the pieces
that I never scattered
but the blames were on me
it’s okay now, I’ve collected myself.
I pray and wish every happiness to you
I pray her glow stays
I pray hers don’t fade like mine
I pray that you’ve have changed.

-Yogi

Butterflies

Monday, April 13, 2020

And just when she was giving up while cleaning the mess her heart had made, it was as if her hopes were on her side, she saw him.
Millions of butterflies she felt and millions of questions in her mind including, “Where were you all these years?”
Days came to weeks where she would hear him talk all day, weeks came to months where she knew how cute his dimple was or how his freckles made his smile even prettier. He was a beautiful boy.
Sad part was the fact that they’d never met. The fact that she missed him so much made her realize how love could actually play games. But, she believed, for he was the only one who melted her heart back together to whole, she believed that one day, soon enough, she would get to live in his warm embrace, forever. Nonetheless, he would sing at times, maybe many times, that’d make her giggle and blush. She was never happier.

The day finally arrived. Who else could’ve imagined her level of excitement. She put on her best dress, she took hours to do her makeup, to look perfect and cover her minute blemishes. She dolled herself up, to look beautiful for him, she got ready, for him.
The tingles and the shivers she felt as soon as she hopped in an uber, the few minutes’ travel made her dizzy, if only she could teleport. When she finally did reach the premise where he was in, she could feel choking in her own air.
She saw him.
His smile, his perfectly done hair, his dimple, his wears, HIM, she finally saw him.
The first thing she could actually directly say was “I love you”.
He didn’t hear it the first time, so she screamed “I LOVE YOU” again, in the loudest way possible. Along with all the girls and the crowd, the pushing and the stumbles, she kept screaming “I LOVE YOU” while he was on stage, singing her favorite songs.
Her voice never made it to him, her voice drowned in the screams.
She couldn’t realize the time going by, the time when he finished his last song. He bowed, thanked the crowd, blew kisses, he left.
She loved him dearly but she was just another girl in the crowd.

- Yogi

SHEEP

Tuesday, April 24, 2018


One after another, the feelings trapped and squashed like a fossil
the heart yearning to become brand new
while the old stitches starting to fall off
and rotting memories never letting it heal.
Enough with the complaints and enough with the whining,
a heart is to be broken just like the promises you made,
I am never blaming you
for its me who was blind,
blind throughout the journey I thought was paradisiacal,
I’ll blame my ‘thoughts’.
A huge lesson learnt I said to myself
and never to regret I promised,
but regret is all I feel for time is precious and life is one short blink,
and honey I gave you my time.
LOVE, you say?
Love for me was breathing
Love for me was dreaming
Love for me was like my mum and dad
Love for me was everything.
A hopeless romantic and wanting to shower with cheesiness
was what meant love for me.
Love was a burlesque for you and look what you’ve done,
Love for me now has become the mockery of every wants I want.
I was a happy child of my parents
with a bright glow on my happy beautiful face,
and now I blame my bad make-up skills
when asked every time by nosy fuckers
who discerns the despairing look I carry
what do I say?
That I’m sad?
That you’re hurting me?
That I’m ugly cause I’m not happy because of you?
You couldn’t understand the words I spoke,
the rants I had to clear your doubts,
the explanations I gave to prove I was loyal,
the verbal quest to show my affection for my job,
the defenses,
I was tired, baby,
and you despised my muteness.
I didn’t drift away from you, you made me drift away from me
distorted was my existence, even my mirror gave up.
My language turned to apologies and that’s all you made me speak,
I am so sorry,
I am so sorry
for being so immature
I am sorry
for hurting your feelings
I am sorry
for doing what I love
I am sorry
for hanging out with my oldest guy friend
I am sorry
for wearing a tank top
I am sorry
for wearing a skirt just like all the other girls
I am sorry
for not picking my phone up during work
I am sorry
for not replying your text while I had migraine
I am sorry
for not understanding your physical needs
I am sorry
for laughing at your friend’s jokes
I am sorry
for everything, for existing, for being alive, for loving you.
I am so sorry for loving you.
I am sorry for doing to this to myself.
I am sorry for not knowing my worth
for not knowing you were nothing but trash
for not knowing you were a parasite that lived off me
for exaggerating your value while it never existed
for hoping a pile of shit to turn to lilies.
Dear love, I loved you,
and I am really sorry that I did.


-Jyotsna Yogi

Just Another Pebble

Tuesday, June 06, 2017

To let know of how it feels is a question itself
A challenge
Maybe I could one day
but I stop at ‘could’.
“We’ve all been anxious so we know” they say
pushing my words and backing me away.
“You and your anxiety is in your head” they say
and I know, nobody does really care.
I wince when my phone rings
hoping to never have to answer
hoping I never had a phone
but I want a phone
with all the mental struggles of a minute
the ringing feels louder and it hurts my brain
but relieved to see my mom calling.
“A human is a social animal.”
I am a social animal.
Eternity of joy I find within my self
to be talking to my mind
about the mind twisting movie I watched last week
to solve and feel like Sherlock Holmes
to watch the colors of butterflies like a hopeless romantic
and drown in my thoughts of vast universe.
“You’re not an introvert, you’re just lazy” they say
how do I make one understand
that being in a crowd doesn’t make a party animal
talking to people doesn’t make one friendly, extrovert, outgoing,
how do I make one understand
the countless arguments inside my mind before giving my “Hello!”
Maybe this will all be over
and maybe it’ll take its time.
I am the edgy piece of rock in the river
and maybe one day I might not stop at ‘could’
maybe that I’ll actually say
I am not just another pebble in the river.

- J. Yogi


Can I?

Tuesday, April 25, 2017

One continuous question she'd ask,
"Can I take the mask off now?"
for she could breathe but not to her content
for the words she spoke were only mumbles to ears
for she'd forgotten how​ she really looked.
"Can I please take the mask off now?"
with a sharp glare they hushed
and forced was she to smile
to people
to strangers
to the flashes of uncountable gadgets.
Eternity of fake for she lived in hell,
none true self did she meet,
and everyday she'd smile the cursed lies
and everyday to masked life she'd wake.
The time does it's job and amongst trophies so she stands,
watching reflections of her horrendous beauty,
for she's scared now
scared of facing her one true self
for she did wrong her soul
for she did lie beneath the lies
for she trusted her heart not.
Now she sees her body turning to ashes
and the mask melting in her bones
And this time she questions herself
"Can I really take the mask off now?"

-Jyotsna Yogi

I gave up

Sunday, October 09, 2016

It's all words
never were they actioned
never had been and never will be.
For once I mentioned about the rose,
that withered
that died
I tried watering it foolishly
with hopes of having another chance
just one more chance.
I gave up,
while the dry petals floated sarcastically in the vase
while the water reached the brim
while the weak thorns laughed at me
I gave up.
For every words were lies to you
every motives wrong
every actions wrong
every breaths wrong.
How far am I to wander to prove what this broken heart felt while it was whole
how many sins do I embrace to draw myself away
of every haunting memories
of beautiful memories
of you
and of you giving up.


-J. Yogi