They’ve all seen me wilting. My four walls, I could sense them console me. Thought I heard my ceiling speak. In the solace of my pillows, I let it soak my soul. The scattered flow of emotions, only tiring my mind, my eyes, I rest finally, with the weighing heart. I fell asleep.

The blurry brightness through my drapes, covering the toughest sun, did bring me away from my confused dreams. The very moment when I opened my eyes, I was unaware. Unaware of the time, unaware of where I was, unaware of what happened, unaware of every existence. And like every time, it hits me like a bus. The flow backs of every heartbreaking memory, the heart getting heavier, the pound in the head. If only I could choose to stay in the trance of knowing nothing.

Another day, a wishful thinking of having it bright, of having it happy.

And everyday, does the loneliness attach itself like the uncanny leech of gloom.

I try to voice out, and

Nothing!

I try to scream,

Nothing!

I see him, the one I want to live with, the one I love, I see him standing and facing me, I see him speak to me, I see how his brows furrowed, I see he’s angry, I see him yelling. His arms, his shoulders, his tensed grip on my arms, as if trying to wake me up. Why can’t I hear his beautiful voice? Did I lose my hearing? I can hear my breathing and that’s all?

I walk back to my home, and I find myself on my bed. After few I remember if I locked my apartment. I rush and I see the doors are locked, I see my keys and wallet on my kitchen table, I see my dog’s fed, I see my coat neatly hung. I don’t remember.

Was I suffering from something? Was I diseased? Was I drugged? I wasn’t!

I was lost?

I see my phone blink beside me, beside my pillow. I read him. The weight on my heart and on me felt unbearable, hurting, the want to get away, to run away, to fly.

“You’re no good, we’re done. Safe!”

Few words, few letters, everything they did destroy.

So many talks and laughs and phone calls and texts I remember. How to smile? How to laugh? How to cherish? How do I find myself beautiful again?

The softest breeze on my skin, I heard her try to soothe me. My window embraced me in a cocoon. The tiniest men on streets I see, how the world is still moving. Where am I?

I see the people staring at me. Why am I finding them closer? I look up and see my curtains wave me goodbye, why? Why aren’t my feet on the floor of my bedroom? Why’s the moon ………

-J.Yogi